


Look at Me (and say you hate me)

by badbavarois



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Character Study, Enemies to Friends, Hopeful Ending, M/M, flash pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 08:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13290792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badbavarois/pseuds/badbavarois
Summary: Peter hates Flash.Flash doesn't blame him.





	Look at Me (and say you hate me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Raybeam99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raybeam99/gifts).



> for raybeam99 - less of the happy/fluff you wanted, but more than drifters gave you  
> beta-ed by rosywiki on tumblr!!

Flash isn’t clueless about the fact that he’s a terrible person.

 

He’s eighteen and he’s heard it from everyone at this point.  _ “God, Flash, you’re the worst”  _ and laughter and smiles. When he was younger, middle and elementary school, it didn’t get to him. He didn’t  _ let  _ it get to him, told himself it wouldn’t hurt if he didn’t let it go skin deep. 

 

“I fu -  I fucking hate you, Flash,” Peter says, voice wavering on the first two syllables. It hits Flash like a sucker punch, but Peter is the one crying, arms wrapped around his stomach. 

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate - “

 

“I heard you the first time.” His words sound hollow, even to him. “You don’t have to repeat yourself, Parker.”

 

“I hate you,” he says again anyway. 

 

Flash walks.

 

…

 

So, Flash Thompson is a terrible person. It’s old news, really, to everyone  _ except  _ Flash. He’s heard people tell him and on some level he knew, but it never really sunk in. 

 

Not until Peter was crying.

 

Flash has never been good with people. Maybe it stemmed from some repressed childhood trauma, or the anxiety he’s been on medication for longer than is healthy, or maybe it’s just him. Maybe Flash is just built to hurt the people he cares about.

 

…

 

“What do you want?”

 

It’s lunch, and Ned Leeds is off somewhere leaving Peter to sit alone, a few empty seats down from MJ. They’re graduating in a few months, and Flash wants to disappear in some west coast college he’ll never be able to pay off the loans for, but he swallows down his fear.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

It’s quiet, and probably sounds less than genuine, but Peter drops his half-eaten apple all the same, doesn’t move as it rolls off the table. It hits the ground, but Flash can’t hear it over the steady roar of the lunchroom.

 

“What?”

 

“I said, I’m sorry. About yesterday. And everything else I’ve said over the past few years.”

 

“I got that much.” Peter leans over to pick up his apple. It’s covered in dirt and food and some random hair. His nose wrinkles and he tosses it in the trashcan a few feet away. “I was more curious about why you’re saying sorry now, and instead of four years ago when you used to say shit all the time.”

 

“Why can’t you just be happy I apologized?”

 

“Saying sorry doesn't change anything if you don’t mean it.”

 

Flash swallows, nods and tries to let that sink in -  _ saying sorry doesn’t change anything if you don’t mean it -  _  except Flash does mean it. He doesn’t care if Peter forgives him, as long as he knows Flash is sorry. He’s not expecting Peter to turn around and love him back, as long as he doesn’t hate him.

 

Flash just wants Peter to not hate him.

 

…

 

It wasn’t love at first sight. Flash doesn’t believe in that.

 

It was Flash regretting every word that came out of his mouth a second too late. It was Flash slamming Peter Park into the lockers on the second day of school because there was a pounding in his chest he wasn’t used to; it was crying in his room because this wasn’t who he was, who he was supposed to be; it was October, pushing his fingers into his lungs, praying for any other outcome; it was sophomore year, whispering  _ I’m gay  _ under his breath behind a locked door when no one else was home, because Flash Thompson can’t be  _ that _ .

 

Flash doesn’t believe in love at first sight. Flash doesn’t think anyone could ever feel that way about him.

 

…

 

Peter Parker tells Flash he hates him. Flash feels like he’s been shot, left to bleed out alone.

 

…

 

Flash is a terrible person. He knows this, subconsciously, but even when he realizes, sixteen and a little unsteady, that he’s a little in love with someone who will never love him back, he doesn’t change.  _ Can’t  _ change. Changing means accepting who he is -  _ isn’t  _ \- can’t be.

 

He’s sixteen, digs in his heels, laughs and says girls are hot when he’s with his friends, and hates Peter as loudly as he can for all he’s worth.

 

…

 

“I’m sorry,” he says, eighteen and sincere, because he can’t leave Peter thinking he doesn’t regret every word that ever passed between him when that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

 

“I already said - “

 

“I mean it. I’m sorry. I know I hurt you - “ his voice cracks, weak,  _ weak,  _ “ - and I hate that I did. I hate that I wasn’t smart enough to realize I had another choice.”

 

“Obviously you had another choice - “

 

“I love you.” It comes out before he can stop it, thoughtless and careless and devoid of meaning, corrupted by everything else he’s ever said.

 

Peter doesn’t respond, doesn’t move besides his mouth, which drops open. He doesn’t look disgusted. Flash holds onto that, snatches it up and tucked it away in his heart, deep down where it can’t be taken from him. 

 

At least Peter doesn’t look disgusted. 

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” He wants to throw up. “That was manipulative. You don’t deserve - this.” He’s not sure what  _ this  _ is, but he knows Peter hasn’t deserved anything Flash has ever done to him. Peter deserves the world after all; Flash knows he could never give it to Peter.

 

…

 

“Can you - “  _ pause, deep breath, find your voice,  _ “- give me another chance?”

 

“Why would I do that?”

 

“I want to show I can be better,” Flash says. He doubts it’s enough. “I - need to, before I never see you again.”

 

“Okay,” Peter finally says. “But you’re paying.”

 

…

 

Flash isn’t the best person. He’s never even been a particularly good person, but every time he looks at Peter and Peter smiles back, and his heart speeds up, Flash knows he could be better. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! comments/kudos are appreciated, requests are open but slow/not guaranteed   
> tumblr - claude-lit/shuos-jedao  
> twitter - cactixix


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